Thank You Tom Petty

You may ask why I choose to put a Tom Petty song on this blog when I am mainly speaking about recovering from Codependcy..my reasoning is quite simple.
He is speaking about boundaries in this song. He is saying, hey, you’ve been down, kicked around and you don't have to live this way! Boundaries, creating them, sticking to them and accepting them for ourselves and others is fundamental to recovery and living healthy lives!

Turn on your iTunes, put a needle on the record, pop in this oldie but goodie and remember, you don't have to live like a refugee.

Refugee - Tom Petty We got somethin' we both know it We don't talk too much about it Yeah it ain't no real big secret all the same Somehow we get around it Listen it don't really matter to me baby You believe what you want to believe You see you don't have to live like a refugee Somewhere, somehow somebody Must have kicked you around some Tell me why you wanna lay there And revel in your abandon Listen it don't make no difference to me baby Everybody's had to fight to be free You see you don't have to live like a refugee Now baby you don't have to live like a refugee Baby we ain't the first I'm sure a lot of other lover's been burned Right now this seems real to you But it's one of those things You gotta feel to be true Somewhere, somehow somebody Must have kicked you around some Who knows, maybe you were kidnapped Tied up, taken away and held for ransom It don't really matter to me Everybody's had to fight to be free You see you don't have to live like a refugee I said you don't have to live like a refugee

More 1st Step Work

"If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it. If we really know how to live, what better way to start the day than with a smile? Our smile affirms our awareness and determination to live in peace and joy. The source of a true smile is an awakened mind." - Thich Nhat Hanh

Co-Dependents Anonymous Promise 1:
“I know a new sense of belonging. The feelings of emptiness and loneliness will disappear.”

Remember, there is no “right” way to work the Steps. Find your way. Give yourself permission to work the Steps imperfectly. Try not to judge yourself. Continue this process at your pace, in your way, a way that works for you.

Co-Dependents Anonymous Step 1:
“We admitted we were powerless over others – that our lives had become unmanageable.”

1. Make a list of 10 people you’ve tried to control. Put a brief example or two next to each one. For example, “Sam – I try to make him eat better and workout.”
2. Make a list of people who you let control you. Again, give an example or two next to each one. For example, “Carole – I go anywhere she wants to go even when I’m not interested in them.”
3. How is your life unmanageable?
4. Write the phrase, “I am powerless over others.” Read it aloud, slowly, ten times. How does that feel?
5. Using your list from above, substitute people you’ve tried to control in the following sentence:
   “I am powerless over ______.” Write out each one. (“I am powerless over ______….”) How do you feel? Angry? Sad? Something else?
6. List all the ways you try to control in your life.
7. Who do you want or “need” to “figure out”? Why? Will figuring someone out give you power? Will the power last? What is your experience?

Remember - YOU are precious! You are safe! And you are working hard on regaining your life, happiness, security, wholeness and serenity!

Recovery Is Possible!

I know for some of us when beginning the journey out of self hatred and into self love (or how about just self acceptance/self like) it seems like we are crawling out of a huge dark scary tunnel..our hands are cracked, fingernails covered in muck from the walls we are trying to crawl out of..we are starving for love, food, nourishment etc..

This feeling is, I can tell you, normal. I mean, come on, you have been imprisoned. You have been banished into a world of self denial, hatred, a world where you can only exist in the shadows..shadows of yourself, shadows of a manipulative and destructive relationship, whatever, you get my drift. But I can promise you this; if you figure out what is making your life unmanageable (I am not even suggesting taking responsibility at this level) just figuring out what the heck is causing you to be imprisoned and close to death, you will be one step closer to being free with this awareness, at least you will have put a name to it, and with that naming, you will be able to then make options for yourselves, and have somewhat of a roadmap to the light at the end of the tunnel.

I am not suggesting that there is no more work after that..hardly the case. Because this is when the work really begins. But with the clarity of naming what is making your life so unmanageable, at least the work will be for the cause of getting you into a healthy and ultimately FREE space.

Write me an email if you have questions, issues or doubt or comment on this blog.
We are all one in the same..

What is creating unmanageability in your life?

What is creating unmanageability in your life? Your job? Relationship? Family? Your mind that keeps obsessing over the same things over and over?

Are you finding that you are slipping into bad habits? Wanting to try to "control" situations or people so you won't be abandoned, cheated on, left a fool... It's ok..we have all been there.

Sit down, breathe and think of the things you are trying to control..try to figure out all the reasons why (ok, just shoot for 3 good reasons) and see if these things are what is making your life spin out of control.
Remember, no one is "making" you spin out of control..no one can control you or make you feel a certain way. You are the one who has choice. Even if you are in an abusive relationship, or being emotionally blackmailed, you have a choice! (I am speaking from experience, believe me).

Make the list. Don’t put if of one more day. Make the list. If nothing else, it will get your mind to stop obsessing for a few moments and get you taking steps to change your life TODAY!

Feel free to comment on these posts..I will write back.

A great book that may help you on your journey:

Melody Beattie's "Guide to the 12 Steps" easy to ready and understand and takes the 12 steps out of the "format" and puts them in real context with interviews and stories from people just like you and me. Plus excellent exercises after each chapter.

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Co-Dependents Anonymous is a fellowship of women and men whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and loving relationships.
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1st Step Thoughts - Being Precious

You cannot change everything..that is why we must surrendered. I truly believe when we admit the things (people/places/things) that we are powerless over and pray for the strength to get through it, we will. But we must accept that we cannot change everything (jeez, imagine how much responsibility that would be on our shoulders if we really could change everything)

It's ok to be in fear..just try to let it be there and move through you..try not to be attached to the images or words that the fear is telling you..try to remember just how precious you are! Because you ARE precious!

The 1st Step is really THE step here for all of us coming into Coda..It prepares the way for all the other steps, it prepares us, our hearts, brains, souls for the journey to happiness, freedom and joy! But we must really look at WHAT is making our lives unmanageable. What are we powerless over? What do we keep trying to control, manipulate, "fix", give too much attention to. You know you don't have to look to hard, it's right there, under your nose, waving it's red flag as a warning.

That urge inside of us gets hungry..the urge is the emptiness, the loneliness, the feelings of abandonment, neglect and down right self hate! I know 'em well, we all do.
Go on, try to write a list of all the things you are powerless of..Try not to hold back.

Go there! It's for you and YOU are precious!

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Cool Prayer from Marianne Willamson's Book, "Illuminata"
Addictions

Dear God,
I cannot stop:
this unmanagibility
I have tried.
I have tried so hard.
And still, Lord, I go back and do it, though I hate myself for doing it.
I cannot stop.
I cannot stop.
You, dear Lord, are my refuge and security and strength when I cannot go on.
Please lift me up and share Your strength with me.
Please lift from me this burden, the burden of this addiction, the pain of this self-hatred, the power of this demon within me.
I do not have the power on my own to fight this beast.
But You, dear Lord, You do.
You do.
I praise Your strength and power and love.
Please give it to me.
Please take away my desire to:
to be in control of others
Please take it away.
Please take it away.
I surrender all.
I lay myself in Your arms.
Please give me a miracle.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Amen.