the death of my cousin a.k.a. my brother Dayn Schulman

What can I say..My cousin killed himself last tueday 11/21. He was one of the last people I would have bet on to do this to hmself, our family, his friends. But he truth is this, he did it and he is dead now at 35 yrs old.
He parents had both died years ago, he had no kids, no wife, only us..his cousins, aunts and uncles and our nana who is 91 yrs old.

He was my brother in the clothes of a first cousin. He was raised as my brother.

My brother and I were tasked with cleaning up his ome; going to the scene of the death, seeing how he lived, how he felt he deserved to life. He lived with bottles and bottles of empty canadian mist and beer, He lived with pounds upon pounds of pot, he lived with rolled up dollar bills and blood stained tissue. He lived with dirty filty clothes. He lived with peanut butter and jelly, almonds and cat food.

More later. I am haunted by what I saw, what I cleaned, the note he left, what I heard and what I have left to do...

Welcome to the 3rd Step!

Co-Dependents Anonymous 3^rd Step:
“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.”

Co-Dependents Anonymous 3^rd Promise:
“I know a new freedom.”

1. Without editing or over-analyzing, write about “what the 3^rd Step means to me.”

2. How is my will related to controlling? Do I always get what I want when I control? How does it feel when controlling “works”? Does that feeling last? What extra things (side effects) do I get from controlling? How does it feel to let go?

3. What will happen if I can’t “figure it all out”? Can the mind stop the mind from obsessing? If I compulsively try to control myself and others, how can I stop doing it? Can I control myself into not controlling? Can a perfectionist cure perfectionism? What might be a 3^rd Step approach to these issues?

4. Does turning my will over to God mean that I’m no longer allowed to want or ask for anything? What is the difference between wanting and needing something? Am I attached today to a particular outcome? What is hard about letting go, or “turning it over”?

5. Does this Step absolve me of responsibility? What is my role in my life?

Smile Like You Mean It

"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been." - Mark Twain



"If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning Good morning at total strangers." - Maya Angelou




"If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it. If we really know how to live, what better way to start the day than with a smile? Our smile affirms our awareness and determination to live in peace and joy. The source of a true smile is an awakened mind." - Thich Nhat Hanh

Make a Gratitude List.

Thanksgiving Is Upon Us!

Whenever you are feeling down, kind of in a rut and feeling sorry for yourself, take the time to make a Gratitude List.
Write a list of ALL of the things you are grateful for (ok, maybe not all..but in this moment..maybe the list has 3 things on it, or maybe it has 20..your call)

Are you grateful for your pets? For music? For your mind, body, for your friendships?
Just give yourself the opportunity to go inside and really feel your gratitude.

Feel free to share on this blog, email with me or share with a friend.

Some examples can be found here: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/archive/index.php/f-56.html

Remember just How Precious YOU are!!

I AM MORE

I am more than happy, I am JOYFUL.

I am more than healthy, I am WHOLE.

I am more than alive, I am RADIANT.

I am more than successful, I am FREE.

I am more than caring, I am LOVING.

I am more than tranquil, I am PEACEFUL.

I am more than interested, I am INVOLVED.

I am more than adequate, I am TRIUMPHANT.

I am more than fortunate, I am PROSPEROUS.

I am more than human, I am a CHILD OF GOD.

~William Arthur

HOPE!

Step II

We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Step Two gives us hope for recovery. The Second Step tells us that the pain and insanity with which we have been livving are unnecessary. The Second Step fills the void we feel when we've finished Step One. As we approach Step Two, we begin to consider that maybe, just maybe, there's a Power greater than ourselves-a Power capable of healing our hurt, calming our confusion, and restoring our sanity.

Some of us resisted this step because we thought it required us to be religious. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is a spiritual, not religious, program.

The beauty of the Second Step is revealed when we begin to think about what our Higher Power can be. We are encouraged to choose a Power that is loving, caring, and-most importantly - able to restore us to sanity. The Second Step does not say, "We came to believe in a Power greater than ourselves." It says, "We came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." The emphasis is not on who or what this Power is, but on what this Power can do for us.

Hope

The hope we get from working Step Two replaces the desperation with which we came into the program.

• What do I have hope about today?
• How has my belief grown since I've been in recovery?
• What evidence do I have that a Higher Power is working in my life?
• What are the characteristics my Higher Power does not have?
• What are the characteristics my Higher Power has?
• Why is having a closed mind harmful to my recovery?
• How am I demonstrating open-mindedness in my life today?
• In what ways has my life changed since I've been in recovery? Do I believe more change is possible?
• Have I sought help from a Power greater than myself today? How?
• Have I sought help from my sponsor, gone to meetings, and reached out to other recovering addicts? What were the results?

Coda 2nd Step Promise and thoughts!

Coda 2nd Step promise:
“I am no longer controlled by my fears. I overcome my fears and act with courage, integrity, and dignity.”

Ask yourself what this means to you? What does it mean to no longer be controlled by your fears and act with dignity, courage and integrity? What does integrity mean to you? What does it look like? What does coruage look like in your life today?

Ask yourself how your boundaries have been this week. What if anything this minute is causing you to feel small? What if anything is allowing you to feel BIG?
Take some time and realy feel just how BIG you are and how much recovery is playing a part in your life. The key is to feel GOOD about your recovery, your courage and your ability to start feeling more whole!

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world." - Helen Keller

Welcome to the 2nd Step!

Co-Dependents Anonymous 2^nd Step:
“Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”

Co-Dependents Anonymous 2^nd Promise:
“I am no longer controlled by my fears. I overcome my fears and act with courage, integrity, and dignity.”

1. What does the 2nd Step mean to you? Don’t edit or over-analyze. Just write.

2. Write freely about Higher Power. What is that for you? If the concept of a Higher Power is hard for you, why is that? What comes up? Is there a concept that works for you? (For example: Nature, the fellowship of CoDA, God, the Universe, Wisdom, Love, etc.)

3. Discuss your relationship with your Higher Power in your childhood. Did you transfer traits from parents or other authority figures? What feelings come up?

4. Consider the traits of a Higher Power with whom you would like to have a relationship. What are thee traits? Keep a running list.

5. If you have a relationship with a Higher Power/God etc..ow do you relate? How do you talk to them etc...

6. Who in your life have you allowed to be a Higher Power? List the people (or things). Who have you acted as a Higher Power over? How is controlling related to being a Higher Power?

7. Ask yourself at the end of the day: “Who did I make my Higher Power today?” Did you perform tasks to get outside approval? Out of fear of someone else’s reaction? Perhaps a lover, a parent, your boss or friend felt like HP today.

8. List ways your life is “insane.” Then list some of the sanity in your life. Why does the Step say “restore” us to sanity?

9. . Do you try to figure everything out? Is this helpful? How is over-thinking related to Higher Power?

10. Is trust an issue for you? Does it take time to develop trust? How is this related to the 2^nd Step?